"Ruining The Internet Since 1952"



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Category: Business             Rating: 3.00
  • "Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy -- I was just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end of the live version of 'Freebird'."
  • "I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line you're on."
  • "We're *open* on Tuesdays?!?"
  • "It took this long to get the ol' blood alcohol level down to the legal driving limit."
  • "I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with overwhelming aggressive impulses by reassuring myself that nothing would happen today that would push me over the edge."
  • "My proctologist got stuck."
  • "It was Senator Kennedy's turn to drive today, so I've spent the last hour swimming."
  • "I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* lousy shipping department to send the company's office supplies directly to the winner of my eBay auction."
  • "Hey, time becomes meaningless when you're as strung out on crystal meth as I am."
  • "Sorry, Sir. I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss."
  • "Heidi Klum refused to untie me."
  • "On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength anti-canker sore gel."
  • "I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this box of ten donuts."
  • "It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this morning... Sir."
  • "My dog ate my presentation, sir. And by 'my dog' I mean your wife, and by 'ate my presentation' I mean 'was boinking me'."
  • "These are not the 'droids you're looking for."

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